Since Bonnie left us, nothing has gotten better. The house is still empty and sad. We haven’t gone without a Spaniel in this house for perhaps 40 years, but there is no way to replace this perfect little Angel. No matter how much we turn up the heat, it is always and only cold here.
Nothing I can say, that I haven’t already said and thought. Little Bonnie was our Sun and without her it’s mostly just darkness and so very sad.
I try to keep myself distracted, but sometimes, like just now I am reminded of this tragic loss and tears appear.
Not Getting Better and I Don’t Expect That It Will
It has been a year since my sweet little Bonnie Girl left us. It hasn’t gotten any better and no, I don’t feel healed and I miss my sweet baby just as much. There is a hole in my heart where she lived and kept me warm and happy.
I make sure to keep her water bowl filled and her bowl of kibble filled just as full as it was when she left us. Her bed and pillows are still where my sweet little Bonnie Girl left them. I keep her blankets on the floor for her to snuggle in all over my house.
Yes, it’s dumb, but I sometimes think maybe she comes back for a visit when no one is looking, so I make sure that things are still there for her.
So, the worst of the worst happened. This perfect little being became ill. Her little kidneys began to fail and her sweet little heart struggled to keep up and just couldn’t handle the poisons building and on March 14th, 2020, we lost her.
We will never be the same. Life will never be the same. The world will never be the same. Maybe someday this will all make sense, but not now, not soon, maybe never.
We’re tragically sad and our home is empty and our hearts are broken. All the happiness and goodness are gone. I am crying now as I type this. I cannot stop looking for her and looking at all the things at home that belong to our Dear Sweet Bonnie Girl.
Every day I see a shadow and hope Bonnie will come out of the darkness wildly wagging her little tail again.
Her water bowl is emptying and I cannot help but to refill it, remembering to perform a happy habit perhaps for the last time.
I call out her name and hope that this little sweet pup will come to me wildly wagging her sweet little tail, but know better and weep for her not coming.
It’s getting near Spring time and I hear the birds chirping for her and cry. She is a bird dog, you know! I cannot imagine smiling on a sunny day again.
These images are from our last day together, the day before our last day with our Dear Sweet Little Bonnie Girl.
